The Hurt

Hurt

Sometimes, i feel like it all hurts and that the words that people.. or one person says always tries to have a negative affect on me. I know they dont see the world as i do and i hate that for them, but the hardest part is that they dont understand that their view of the world does not apply to me. The hurt and the pain that has shaped and molded their view on life isnt one that i have. They see me as having a look on life that's unrealistic.. but why is that? Is it soooo unlikely that i could have a beautiful life that i picture and dream about? Why can't I have a happy ever after you see in the movies? I HATE that she thinks im stupid and i know that's how she feels..

I'm not dumb i know that times will be hard, i know that the world isn't rainbows and butterflies, but i also know that I can be happy and that IT WILL HAPPEN!! every negative thing that comes out of her mouth such as tonight's comment about me recording Dear John , "if i didnt believe that God has someone out there for everyone i'd really think you'd end up with cats" Who says that to another person? Whoever came up with the saying "sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me"??? they were stupid and they are now a douche bag and i want to pour salt in their eyes... anywho... i've started listening to my worship music now so im letting this go and praying that devil away from my mind and my heart!! Thank you God for words that always bring joy and happiness to me..

It's funny because people that see me at school and even on fb that only know me surface level would never expect a post like this from me, but we chatted about it in class how you'd never suspect certain things from people.. i know im one of those people... you wouldn't expect it but everyone hurts, and goes through things you couldn't imagine.. I have alot of hurt in me and put on a brave face and not just a face all the time but a lot of the time im being brave and thinking of the greatness i have in my life because I know that God is still there working in me.. Im so grateful for him and  know that if i didnt know him, then i'd be a Peyton Sawyer carrying around all this hurt and sadness in my heart and life.

Why Do You Call Me White?

Why Do You Call Me White

Why do you call me white when my skin is brown as chocolate?

Why do you call me white when it’s plain to see I’m not.

Do you call me white because I don’t “talk like black people?”

Have you ever heard an educated person talk? That’s how I talk.

Do you call me white because I don’t act like I'm from the hood?

Born in the “hood”+ raised by my Mother+ God= Me.

Do you call me white because I’d rather choose Rock then Rap?

Should I listen to music about “I got hoes in different area codes?”

Or stick with “I’m only one voice in a million, but you aint taking that from me?”

Do you call me white because I’d rather scrapbook then go clubbing?

Why do you call me White?

I might seem white because I sit around and knit things.

Am I black enough when I eat hot sauce with my fried Chicken?

Because my cousin pointed out how I eat hot sauce on everything!

Am I black enough when I choose Koolaid over Gatorade?

I love both, but sometimes I need some grape koolaid.

Does it confuse you when I listen to my “white people music?”

Does Eminem count because I like him?

Does it confuse you when I go pick up white kids from school?

Haven’t found a black person that wants a nanny, what can I do?

Can you tell I’m black when I haven’t done my hair for a day?

HA! I’ve been told I wrap my hair like I come from the motherland.. hmmm.

Can you tell I’m black when I rap Tupac? Or sing Usher?

Yea, that happens sometimes. The other night in fact.

Is it because 4 of my God children have blonde hair?

I can’t help it, their parents are white.

Why do you call me White?

Is it because I've not become a statistic like those I grew up around?

I can thank God and my Mother for that!

Is it because I haven’t been on Maury? “You are NOT the father”

In my book, not married= not pregnant.

It’s not that I’m offended by being called white I just don’t like being called what I’m not.  Just because I’m not a stereotypical black person, doesn’t mean I’m not black…. And boy those stereotypes are awful on all accounts but we all say and perceive them no matter what race.  I love who I am, what I wear, and the music I listen to, the shows I watch and how I go about living my day to day life. I come from one race, God’s human race *smiley face* J

Remember this article? These beautiful mixed twins that came out looking beyond fraternal? Mixed-Race Couples "Twincredibles" 

Fin

Phillips Kids Dancing

MAN CAN MY GODKIDS GET DOWN! ETHAN HAS MAJOR HIP ACTION GOING ON!

Blog for Ma

So this blog was very hard for me to write. I believe it was difficult because I didn’t believe that I could put my actual feelings into comprehensible words and have them actually make sense. The topic that I want to discuss, or share about, I will first define for you all.

The word mother can be used as a Noun, Adjective, and a Verb as well. Here are some examples of each:

Noun:

· A term of address for a female parent or a woman having or regarded as having the status, function, or authority of a female parent.

· Something or someone that gives rise to or exercises protecting care over something else; origin or source.

Adjective:

· Bearing a relation like that of a mother, as in being the origin, source, or protector

Verb:

· To care for or protect like a mother; act maternally toward

This word I believe has a ton of definitions, but I’d like to change that word up a little bit to fit my life.

I’d like the change the word mother, to: MA

See growing up, my brothers and I weren’t calling out “mommy, mom, mother, or mama” We were simply calling out “Ma” and since then that’s who she’s known as.

Now here I’m going to try to go through the alphabet and try to match her qualities to that letter!



1. Ma is ALWAYS around when I need her

2. Ma is BRAVE in spite of fear

3. Ma is CARING all the time

4. Ma is our DOCTOR when we’re sick

5. Ma is EXCITED for our achievements

6. Ma is FORGIVING when we screw up

7. Ma is GREAT at cooking

8. Ma is HARD on us when we need it

9. Ma is IMPORTANT to us

10. Ma is Justified in her actions

11. Ma is KIND HEARTED to all that deserves it

12. Ma is LUCIOUS is all things ;)

13. Ma is MAGNIFICANT at being a MA

14. Ma is NOSY because she cares

15. Ma is OPTIMISTIC of our decisions

16. Ma is PROUD of us no matter what

17. Ma is QUIET when we need her to be

18. Ma is REASSURING when we’re unsure

19. Ma is SWITZERLAND when we argue

20. Ma is TIMON to my Pumba

21. Ma is UNIQUELY designed by God

22. Ma is VALUABLE to her family

23. Ma is WORTHY of every great award

24. Ma is X-CELLENT at listening

25. Ma is YOUR best friend

26. Ma is Z…. that’s right indescribable

So there you have it ladies and gents, those are just a few words to describe my mother and all of her amazing qualities. Now I think a few song lyrics could describe her as well. I’ll take a whack at it!

So my ITunes is on Shuffle so what I’m going to do is the next 5 songs that come on, I’ll try to find lyrics that could describe what my Mom means to me J



1. Taylor Swift- Mine “You are the best thing that’s ever been mine”

2. Glee Cast- My Life Would Suck Without You “Cause we belong together now yea, forever united here somehow yea, you got a piece of me, and honestly, my life would suck without you”

3. Sleeperstar- Carry You “If you cannot move, I will carry you. If you cannot breath I’ll be the air”

4. Christina Aguilera- I Turn to You “I can do anything, cause your love is so amazing, cause your love inspires me. And when I need a friend you’re always by my side, giving me faith to get me through the night”

5. Rick Pino-Dove’s Eyes “I love your face, I love your kisses. I love your embrace, I love your presence”

So to my amazing mother, you rock! You’re loved! You’re appreciated! You’re on my mind! Love you!




Now this post wouldn’t be finished without me adding in a few shout outs to some AMAZING mothers that I know! Here’s love to them!

1. Avonda Fox- Mother of Keyth, Jacob, Dyllan and Bradley

2. Bria Phillips- Mother of Ethan, Addie, Logan and Peyton

3. Pearl Daniel- Mother of Ella Grace

4. Rachel Dowell- Mother of Sydney

I pray that one day these children grow up to realize what I’ve realized early on in life and still believe it till this day: That I would be NOWHERE without the love, trust, respect, and guidance from my mother!

And it’s not Mother’s Day; it’s just another day that my mom’s been my mom! Love you Ma!



Jen aka MA

PS. Check out this song if you have a daughter :) It's one of my moms favs!

In My Daughters Eyes

Rocket Dog= Sore Dogs

So we all know that to have a successful workout system going, you need to have the correct foot wear. You can't just throw on your hot pink pumps and get down with some P90X. It ain't gonna cut it.

What you need is a good pair of tennis shoes that will support your entire foot and get you to where you need to be going! This is what i have to work out in and the shoes I'll be using until hopefully later this week i can get some good ones.

As much as i love these shoes, they are definitely not for all the walking that i just did outside. They are more for when i wanna look really cute and i throw on my skinny jeans and hang out with the girls .... hopefully guys soon :)

But this week i aspire to get something of this nature to wear:

Maybe not as fancy, but you get the idea! Well until next time (and maybe I'll have suitable shoes then too) take care!

JEN

Things I'm Living By Nowadays

So there are a few things nowadays that i try to live by. Some of these things are easy and some are hard to do, but i'll just get to it.



So this Almond Breeze is amazing! I'm not a big Milk drinker and usually i'm all about some Silk Soy Milk, but lately as well I'm really been feeling some Almond Milk. It could have something to do with the cereal (healthy granola, or some kind of special k cereal) i've been craving lately, but whatever it is has turned me into an Almond Breeze freak.



 So any kind of Whole Grain, Double Fiber bread, I'm ALL for! NOt only is it healthier, but it's so good! It's lovely for the kinds of sandwhiches that i like: Turkey and Cheese, Peanut Butter and Jelly... which by the way are Organic as well:

Sodas are also something i've done a great job at cutting out this past year and i'm trying to keep that up now. I'm not about drinking too much soda, so everytime that i do have one, it's intersting to taste and constantly burp. That was boring to talk about :)

So Chris Freytag is my girl! Tanyis got me hooked on this girl during the year and we got down on this! I've done it a few times since i've been back, but need to get back into it! I actually love doing it and can't not wait to get back into it :)  Especially to see my girl CHRISTINA! That's for my girl Tanyia there!

 

Soooo... the final and biggest thing that i'm all about and living with constantly is my ITOUCH! This thing keeps me sane! Whether i need to message someone, look up a verse, play a game to pass the time, or best of all LISTEN TO MUSIC!!! Oh my word! Music had always, and is now even now a more prominent part of my life!!! I love listening to all kinds of music and love having different playlists on it :) My big time fav Christian songs right now are :

Our God, Chris Tomlin

How He Loves Us, Jesus Culture

Desert Song, Hillsong

Those were songs we sang at Camp this summer, and it's been getting me through tons of things!

Calming Songs:

When I Look At You, Miley Cyrus

Dance So Good, Wakey! Wakey!

Everything Must Find Its Place, Sleeperstar

This Years Love, David Grey

Fun Songs:

Almost Everything, Wakey! Wakey!

Anyway You Want It/ Lovin' Touchin' Squeezin', Glee Cast

Big Girls Don't Cry, Fergie

Naturally, Selena Gomez

Well that's about all folks.. if you haven't tried the items above, do so! And if you haven't heard the songs above, then check them out on youtube... no dissapointments here!

Until next time!

JEN

What babies REALLY think of us

So being a new God Mother and all, I’ve really just sat sometimes and thought of all the little things that go on in 3 and a half week old Baby Peyton’s little mind. I mean, yea there aren’t any huge thoughts but you have to wonder what kind of explanations his little brain is thinking up.

 (Now there are four lovely God Children that I'm realizing how over protective and selfish i am with, but this little one is very new and intriguing)

 So it kind of started the day before yesterday (not that that means anything to you) when I held Baby Peyton while he cried, it was feeding time and he was done being patient. So I held him and Jonathan said “I wonder what he’s thinking of what he just got. He’s crying for milk and we stuff a rubber pacifier into his mouth! I would be pissed”

 Now that got me thinking! I would be pretty upset as well! I mean come on, I’m hungry and you’re giving me that?! After that Jonathan and Bria talked about how it kind of sucks being a kid. Even if you’re hungry, you can’t have food until your parents allow you to. THAT SUCKS! Like if I’m really hungry and a kid, I have NO control over if I can eat or not; it’s not my decision! A kid can really be hungry, but we’re not feeding them.

Now I don’t say that to encourage an “Over Eating Maury Guest”  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I’m just pointing out the truth.

 

Kind of makes you wonder how many times your kids or the kids in your care have really, truly been hungry, and you’ve told them “no, you’re not getting a snack right now, we will have dinner later” and then they’re waiting there with their tummies growling for 2 more hours! Has a toddler ever run away from being hungry? JK JK

Well some thoughts that Baby Peyton (I kind of got a thing about calling him “baby Peyton”) “shared” with me that night were this:

1. Why is it that when I’m sleeping peacefully that you decided THEN to take a picture of me with the worlds brightest flash! I’m trying to sleep.

2. I know I’m sleeping in my car seat all snug and everything, but I haven’t forgotten about the cold, wet, and mushy diaper I’m wearing either! I’ll get back to you on that.

3. Please keep those siblings of mine in your sight at all times! When you’re not watching is when they bother and touch me the most!

4. Honestly I sit in a swing, boppy, bouncy seat, or someone arms all day long, I’m not dirty! Stop bathing me all the time; it’s NO fun for me! And I know I peed in the water last time and you did nothing about it! Mission FAILED!

5. Another thing to remember is, when I start to really get my vision going, don’t be all up in my face! It’s like blurry… blurry….blurry…WAM! There you are smiling creepily in my face and I’m officially freaked out. Back off some... just a tad bit please!

6. When I cry and you do that whole bouncing thing... yea... it’s not that it’s calming me down, it’s that once again I’m freaked out over the change in my body’s equilibrium! I’m not sure what’s going on and you are oblivious to it scaring me to death. You think “awww, he loves to be bounced” WRONG! I like to be cuddled, fed, changed promptly, swaddled sometimes, and kept warm, the end!

7. I'm really too tired to get into the whole "shushing" thing you do. That's for another day.

In conclusion, the next time you’re bouncing a baby, or feeding him/her a pacifier when you know it’s feeding time, stop, take a look into those precious eyes, and think to yourself, “how much more damage and I really causing”

PS... This baby above is NOT my Baby Peyton! Just some random baby that popped up on Google when i typed in "angry baby"

Until next time,
JEN aka The Voice for Babies!

What WAS a Midnight Playlist

So while getting used to this stupid blog *yes right now it is stupid* i ended up deleting what was originally going to be on this post and didn't notice the "undo" button on the left and couldn't figure out how to undo it until it was too late! Yea,was pretty upset about it! I mean it is 2:22am and i have work in the morning!

Crazy right?!!? I know! Well i was ready to give up until the next song on my playlist came on.... It was Green River Ordinance's Rise Up! How convenient! Those talented Texans are the ONLY reason that this is getting posted! So give it up for GRO! Inspiration that never fails :)

 Well since i do have work in the morning, i shall leave this place... wow.. what an awful first blog post, but who cares I'm opening up to someone right Bria?!!?


Well (do i say well alot) until next time.


JEN